Sunday, January 4, 2009

January Fourth

This homicidal lust simply won't abate. All things small of stature and adorable of countenance are at risk when I am in the vicinity. Today I actually sought out and participated in a 'Baby Roast.' My blood boiled with ecstasy at their infantile screams of agony, while at the same time my soul shrieked in anguish. The others at the vile event only goaded me on. It seems they intend to use their uncontrollable violence as leverage to press Chris into continuing his Living in Oblivion blog. I felt like such a pawn, playing into their hands, but without Nondrick's smiling face to comfort me as I stumble through my miserable life, I can't say that I didn't enjoy the release.

If there is one thing I'm learning through this time of hardship, it's that I most certainly have a darker side.

And I really really REALLY like Living in Oblivion.

I put it to you, Chris: Return, and continue the series, before madness envelops the world! It's only a matter of time before this disgusting and base disease of the mind infects the majority of the planet's population, and then what? Utter chaos! Is that really what you want, Chris? Really?

Saturday, January 3, 2009

January Third

Today I snapped.

It has been over two months since my last Nondrick fix, and I just can't take the withdrawal any more. If I can't sate my hunger with witty humor and/or satire, then I'll just have to satisfy myself with acts of depravity.

This morning I killed my first baby.

I'd heard all about this common side effect of Nondrick withdrawal. I'd already witnessed others succumbing to it. Still, I never thought it would happen to me. The little tyke was just sitting there, staring at me. I didn't want to watch him for my aunt anyways! He was getting on my nerves, with his drooling and burbling . . .

That's when I bore witness to a strange and disturbing transformation. Before my own eyes, little Phillip's face came to resemble a familiar, bulbous, fish-eyed visage that I think any one of us would recognize. I found myself inundated with rage and blood-lust, and my vision went red.

When I came to my senses I was smeared with gore and formula. All that remained of Phillip was a smoking diaper.

What have you done to me, Chris? May God have mercy on us all.